When a Client Pushes Your Buttons — Push Back with Better Communication

Early in my career, I had what I like to call a “trial by fire” client. You know the type: high expectations, low patience, and absolutely no boundaries when it came to when or how they’d reach out.

I was still pretty junior at the time, but due to some staffing changes, I suddenly found myself as the primary actuarial expert on a large account — long before I felt truly ready for that responsibility, at least in this particular situation. To make matters more complicated, this client was new to his role and didn’t really understand health benefits or how actuarial work fit into the bigger picture.

He would call at all hours — evenings, weekends, you name it. I remember once being yelled at on a Saturday because I didn’t pick up immediately. He hung up on me more than once, barked orders, and often made it clear that my work was never quite fast enough or comprehensive enough for his liking.

At times, it crossed the line into what I’d now recognize as borderline abusive behavior. But despite the chaos, he didn’t want a different actuary on his account — so I had no choice but to stick it out.

I won’t sugarcoat it: it was brutal. I lost sleep. I questioned my competence. I dreaded his number showing up on my caller ID. Tears were shed on multiple occasions. But as miserable as I was in the moment, with some distance and reflection, and as crazy as it sounds, I can now say that I’m genuinely grateful for that experience.

Here’s why:

👉 It toughened me up. I stopped crumbling under someone else’s frustration. I realized that a client’s bad day wasn’t about me — it was about their pressure, their expectations, their stress.

👉 It taught me that many clients don’t truly understand actuarial work — and it’s my job to bridge that gap. This client’s confusion and unrealistic expectations came partly from not knowing what I actually did. It forced me to get better at explaining complex concepts clearly and showing the value behind the numbers.

👉 It made me a better communicator. I learned to be extra clear in what I said and what I sent — anticipating the questions before they came, setting realistic boundaries, and standing firm when needed.

👉 It forced me to focus on what I could control. I couldn’t control his tone or timing, but I could control my clarity, my preparation, and my professionalism.

👉 It built resilience. After that client, very few interactions rattled me. I had seen (and survived) the worst.

Years later, when I mentor new actuaries or analysts, I tell them: you will absolutely encounter demanding, unreasonable, or just plain difficult clients or stakeholders at some point in your career. You can’t avoid it entirely — but you can learn how to handle it in a way that makes you stronger, not bitter.

If you’re in the middle of a nightmare situation right now, hang in there. It won’t last forever — but the resilience, poise, and thick skin you build will serve you for decades.

Your turn:

Have you had a “trial by fire” client that made you better at your job? I’d love to hear your stories — drop them in the comments or send me a note.