What I Got Wrong About Being “Professional”

And What Finally Made Me a Better Leader, Teammate, and Human

When I first started my career, I thought professionalism meant keeping my head down, working hard, and not letting too much of me show through.

I didn’t decorate my cubicle. I didn’t talk much about my personal life. I thought the goal was to keep everything buttoned up and separate—work over here, life over there.

And for a while, it seemed to work. I was reliable, efficient, and “low-maintenance.” But I was also exhausted, disconnected, and frankly… a little cold. Looking back, here are a few things I got wrong—and what finally helped me get it right.

1. I Thought I Had to Keep My Personal and Professional Lives Separate

I used to believe that sharing anything personal would make me seem less serious or less capable.

But people don’t trust titles—they trust humans.

When I started letting people see more of who I am—what motivates me, what I struggle with, what I care about—my relationships changed overnight. Colleagues opened up more, collaboration got easier, and feedback got real.

Connection isn’t just nice to have—it’s essential in every aspect of our work. Whether you’re in sales, trying to influence leaders, or stepping into people leadership, connection builds trust and respect. Sharing small things about yourself—your interests, your background, even a sense of humor—makes it easier for others to connect with you, and that connection makes everything else work better.

Authenticity isn’t unprofessional. It’s what makes people want to follow you.

2. I Thought Good Leaders Looked a Certain Way

When I first moved into leadership, I tried to imitate the leaders I’d seen before—decisive, confident, polished, and always in control.

But it felt like playing a part.

Eventually, I realized that my quiet nature wasn’t a weakness—it was my strength. I didn’t need to talk the most to have influence. I just needed to ask better questions, listen deeply, and be thoughtful in my responses.

Leadership isn’t about mimicking someone else’s style. It’s about amplifying what’s authentic to you.

3. I Thought Being “Committed” Meant Being Always Available

For years, I wore responsiveness like a badge of honor.

Emails at midnight? Sure. Weekends? Of course.

I thought it made me dependable. In reality, it made me depleted—and set a terrible example for my teams.

When you’re always “on,” others assume they have to be, too. And that’s not healthy for anyone.

Now I see boundaries differently. You can be flexible, helpful, and responsive without being constantly connected. The goal isn’t to delay or ignore people—it’s to find a rhythm that lets you deliver what’s needed without burning out yourself or your team.

Sustainable performance isn’t about being available 24/7. It’s about being present, focused, and rested enough to do your best work when it actually matters.

4. I Mistook Toughness for Strength

Early in my career, I thought being a strong professional meant being tough — direct, unflinching, and always focused on results.

But sometimes, that toughness came at a cost. I wasn’t as patient as I should have been with others who were still learning, and I didn’t always offer the empathy or encouragement people needed in those moments.

Looking back, I can see that my lack of empathy didn’t make me stronger — it just made me harder to work with.

Real strength isn’t about being unyielding; it’s about knowing when to push and when to give grace.

Kindness and high standards can absolutely coexist. In fact, empathy doesn’t weaken expectations — it inspires people to meet them.

What I’ve Learned

Authenticity isn’t the opposite of professionalism—it’s the evolution of it.

For a long time, I thought professionalism meant control: keeping things separate, polished, and perfectly composed. But what I’ve learned is that the more human you are, the more your work resonates. The more you show up as yourself, the easier it is for others to do the same—and that’s when teams thrive.

Authenticity builds connection. Connection builds trust. And trust is what makes influence, leadership, and collaboration actually work.

If I could go back and tell my younger self one thing, it would be this:

“You don’t have to become someone else to be successful. You just have to become more you.”

The version of me that was trying so hard to be what she thought a leader should be couldn’t have imagined how much more effective—and fulfilled—I’d become once I stopped trying to fit a mold.

Because the truth is, people don’t follow perfection. They follow real.